First Steps

When it's my time to go… Lead the way out, I'll find another way in from a changed route When this autumn rain rinses the pain out I will stomach the sudden syringe in my veins now Hold me like cards to your chest And show me your arms are outstretched If only I can rest my bones then I can get Back home, where the journey ends When the curtains close Will the gates open? Will my faith change? Will I make atonement? Riding the waves of an abiding avocation I've made my own I'm my own opponent but the rhythm it consoles me When my cynicism throws me for a loop on this bed of regrets My medicine chests and cabinets were filled to the brim with my loneliness It's just the way it goes, when you're too anxious just to say hello He thinks too much and such people are dangerous Well, tell Julius I usually am a little angsty but I'm only angry just at myself, and that’ll only be hazardous to my health 'Cause all I've been is the catalyst for my hell Analysis paralysis, a battle within the self. I was saddled Without a paddle, up the creek against my shadow Mano a mano and I'm out of ammo until I tattle on myself That’ll calm and quell this addled mind and Unravel fear from a child to an adult Mind over matter, what matters most is scattered Across the landscapes inside us. Bring it to the light and magnify the Unstable parts of you and one day you'll Have moved and untangled the rope You can learn to cope and feel like you've made it But the traces of change won’t treat you like a stranger When the clock is dropped off and not retrieved Plant a thought, just drop one seed 'Cause when you travel in silent unspeakable memories, still thoughts run deep. I don't want to let go, I don't want to let go, I don’t want to let go... not yet... i don't want to let go, I don't want to let go, but I gotta let go — first steps.